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TO MR. C. GREENWOOD.
SIR, - You last week favoured me with a long letter, which I
ought to thank you for; but as a great portion of it refers
to matter in this controversy I did not even allude to, it
was therefore out of your way to notice in reply to me. I
merely disputed the propriety of your expressions respecting
the scale of the proposed maps - and further I did not go.
You affect, Sir, to be very witty, address me in a familiar
manner, and intimate that we may be better acquainted. You,
Sir, pretend to the character of a gentleman; but how have
you lessened yourself by adopting a style of buffoonery, and
stooping to call names in the place of argument, merely on
account of my denial of your arithmetical assertion! As you
have set the example, permit me to use the same freedom, and
I shall presume your name to be Charles. - Now, Charles, it
appears rather astonishing that a person of your professed
acquirements, extensive practice, and great pretensions,
should fill a letter with vulgar derision. Take out a single
word, Charles, and your wit vanishes, and will now not be
remembered beyond the day of reading. In my letter to you I
used no names, Charles, but what you assumed in your own
celebrated productions. But this charge, Charles, is one of
your unsupported assertions. You last week, Charles,
informed us that you had begun at the wrong end of your work
first. It was very kind of you, Charles; and you lament that
while another person, wiser than yourself, first procured
support for his undertaking; you set to work first, and then
had to ask the county for support. Finding your mistake,
Charles, you consistently enough proposed that Mr. Hodgson
should transfer his subscribers to you, as if their
patronage and his honour were a subject of barter, and could
be conveyed with the same facility as a flock of sheep on
the mountains you survey. Your failure in this scheme,
Charles, has been a source of great perplexity, and you did
wrong, Charles, to be so angry. - But we are not so
surprised at it, (however, Charles, that we might be at the
first,) for I assure you, Charles, that we get better and
better acquainted with you every letter you write. When,
Charles, will you gain wisdom and experience? After
surveying twelve counties, how is it that you let a young
man beat you in his first survey of a county? You charge Mr.
Hodgson with a crime, Charles, because, forsooth, he
canvassed the county before he ventured on the contest with
your great House. Would not Lord Lowther have laughed at
Lord Brougham, had he gone to the poll previous to the
necessary preliminarY? And where is the difference in any
matter where completion is in question? - You say, Charles,
that you commenced the survey of the county first, and
stoutly tell me, I cannot deny it. In this, Charles, you are
quite mistaken; the contrary can easily be proved. You may
remember, Charles, that Mr. Hodgson's List of Subscribers
was seen by your unequalled establishment at a house near
Lowther. At the time you first commenced, Mr Hodgson had
begun his survey sometime before. This important question,
as you, Charles, call it, falls to the ground, with all you
have built upon it. Your Kendal Correspondent's letter was a
hard pill to digest. You acted prudently, Charles, in
passing over it so lightly. Dare you answer it, Charles? You
have scarcely attempted to touch upon it yet. His was a long
letter, Charles, and mine was but a short one; yet you have
craftily endeavoured to divert the public attention from the
main question to a minor point, Charles, by a little
ridicule. How you are descending in reputation by such low
conduct your readers will best judge. Where is the
gentlemanly language? Where is the honour of the profession
you lately boasted of?
Mr. Hodgson's List of Subscribers are upwards of 550,
consisting of all the Noblemen and most of the Gentlemen
residing or connected with the County. You feel sore,
Charles, and unblushingly assert, "his friends are in narrow
limits." What else will you next assert? - The profession of
Surveyors, you, Charles, say, will view Hodgson's opposition
to your great house with dissatisfaction. This is so strange
an assertion, Charles, that I cannot persuade myself that
the great body of respectable Yeomanry of Westmorland can
swallow it. Their liberality will not sanction any foul
monopoly, which would deprive talent and industry of due
encouragement, and which would, Charles, be alike injurious
to the progress of science, and to the interests of the
community.
Had you, Charles, kept your talents secret, at least your
excellent talent of scurrility and puff in the public
newspapers, it is more than probable, Charles, that a simple
advertisement of the Patronage of his Majesty and the
Nobility, &c. of having completed 12 Maps of Counties, would
have gained you more subscribers than you have a present.
The public, Charles, would have been ignorant of your
character, and given you credit, Charles, for your
attempting to make a correct National Atlas. But you seem,
Charles, fond of writing, and have descended into petty
quarrels, which have added nothing either to your reputation
or your pocket.
Respecting the accuracy of those Maps already published, I
had no thought of referring to; but your extraneous letter
leads me to say, you know, Charles, the opinion of a
Gentleman near Kirkby-Lonsdale, on two of them. Enquire at
the Lancaster Coffee Room, near where you are to set up your
New Establishment, and above all, Charles, see the Preston
Chronicle of the 6th September.
The school-boy's question, Charles, of 1/3 of an inch, that
you have so often wrote about, was answered by the Kendal
Subscriber, in a similar manner to myself; and I challenge
you, Charles, to say, whether you have not privately (I will
not say candidly) admitted, to several Gentlemen in this
town, that the Kendal Subscriber's definition was correct.
I, therefore, am also right. - I re-assert, Charles, that
you were in a labyrinth; and, by the above-mentioned
definition, I repeat that you, Charles, remain there. You
quote my words thus, "if to twelve pence I add four pence,
do I add one-third or one-fourth?" This, Charles, you say,
is going quite out of the question. Now, Charles, I assert
that this is the whole of the question, and that you want,
Charles, to turn it into a mere quibble. - Neither Mr.
Hodgson nor his friends ever contended that his scale was
one-third of itself larger. You endeavour to pervert his
meaning, and used a forced interpretation to blind the
public; and in my former letter I said that one-fourth of
Hodgson's is equal to one-third of Greenwood's; therefore I
repeat it is one-third more of Greenwood's Scale than
Greenwood's, and this, Charles, I defy you to deny. But this
way of explaining it, Charles, does not seem to answer your
purpose.
The four dumplings you are pleased to give me, Charles, are
certainly one-third part more of my friend's, than his
three. It is a very good simile, Charles, that you have hit
on, and I dare say, Charles, you are quite at home amongst
dumplings and such like things. You will have far less
mortification, Charles, in talking about dumplings than
about Westmorland Maps. It is a more graceful subject,
Charles, and it would have been no bad thing, Charles, had
you eaten your puddings and held your tongue.
You can, Charles, throw off high airs occasionally, you
boasted over your cups at Lough's, that you could have been
a Knight had you pleased. What great moderation, Charles, to
refuse such an honour. I suppose, Charles, you may
occasionally be a very great man when in company with Sir
John Barleycorn. I have known men, Charles, assume great
consequence, and announce themselves as very rich in such
company. I think, Charles, you have missed the opportunity,
for it assuredly would have added dignity to you, Charles,
amongst us rustics in the North. You have frequently sported
your wit, because you had something tangible to work upon,
which might have been all well enough; but, Charles, you
have gone further, - you have used insinuations amounting to
a masked threat, and degraded your name by shewing a spirit
of revenge. I have [ ] your [abor]tive threats before, but
here you have entirely [ ] of the bare appearance of a
Gentleman; I [ ] saw you so low. The public may [not
un]derstand your allusions to Regent Street, London, but I
understand you perfectly, Charles. I [despise] such base
threats. You imagine, Charles [that you ] have some great
influence in the Government Offices (you have risen rapidly,
then, of late years: I will not enter into that) but I
believe they are [ ho]nourable men at the Office than to
take a part in your petty squabble in the country. I know
[the] character of some of them; and I may have a friend at
Court, Charles, as well as you. A little ], Charles, one
might have excused; and on reading your letters I have
sometimes thought of the [ ] of Dr. Solomon. But who shall I
liken you to, [ ] Charles? - Iago durst not even insinuate
his [ ] except by the slightest allusions, and, yet,
Charles, what is said of him,? - they detest the assassin,
and his attempts, and hold him up to public derision.
Amongst other pieces of burlesque, you remark, Charles, near
the conclusion, on the two signatures in my letter. You are
pleased to catch at every straw; even the incorrections of
the press cannot escape your sagacious eye. This was a
mistake of the printer's, and not mine.
In your's, of the 23rd August, you say, I hold and ever
shall hold, in the utmost contempt, the man who will intrude
his interference where he dare not shew his face.
I shall, therefore, sign,
J. SWAINSTON.
Kendal, 11th Sept. 1823.
P.S. - As you condescended to notice my [last] postscript,
and seemed rather pleased with it I, I shall give you
another; and, instead of your celebrated dialogues, I would
recommend you, Charles, to [get] the following popular song
printed. It is taken from the celebrated Pretender; and may,
if placed [over] your Office at Lancaster, celebrate your
name also.
Oh, Charlie is my darling,
The ONLY true Surveyor.
Oh, Charlie, &c.
'Twas on a Monday morning,
In the middle of the year,
That Charlie came to our town,
The "bright and young" Surveyor.
Oh, Charlie, &c.
As he came riding up the street,
With his "DIAGRAMS" so clear,
All the folks came running out
To peep at this "Surveyor."
Oh, Charlie, &c.
Now ha'd away ye Northern Loon*,
And court no favour here,
The Yorkshire man's frae Lunnon come,
A very "prime" Surveyor.
Oh, Charlie, &c.
* Mr. Hodgson, the Lancaster Surveyor, in
[com]petition for a Map of Westmorland.
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