button to main menu  Clarke's Survey of the Lakes, 1787

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Page 80:-
one reads of the keys of death and hell; thou perhaps understands that place. We were in a place they call the Museum, where there is all things that are comical, a thousand things that thou never saw nor I can name; there were mouse-deer horns as broad as our bakeboard (14), and bits of all manner of horns; but I cannot tell thee what, but there's horns named in the Revelations, and we will have a great deal of discourse as soon as I am able to come and see thee.
I was at a place they call the Common Exchange, where people from all corners of the world meet together to buy and sell all things that ever thou can name; the midst of it is like a bee-hive, but stands upon long freestone legs, with a great round window in the crown of it, and resembles a wide house round about the legs, and it covers as much ground as the Tairn the gold chest (15) is in, thou knows it. I was at a place they call the Castle, where the man they call Tenant lives; he is Steward of Ireland for our King, the Lord Mayor of Dublin is his head servant, and people said he went through hell to church every Sunday: I thought it had been some street-lane they had called so, but I fairly saw him standing like a door-stead raised about two yards above the earth; I think he was chained to the spot, for he did not stir, perhaps he was frozen; but it was a dark black lane, covered over with black houses, and I persuaded my feet to carry me a good way off such curiosities, for I was almost frightened to death, and it was very well I had strength to run away; thou may be very sure I gave my comrade a devilish lesson for dragging me through hell; but he was frightened of nothing, and carried me to St Patrick's church; it is as big as a town, and as many people at it; there was half a dozen priests at work, but we had only staid a little while, when something they call the Roargins began a bellowing like a hundred mad bulls, and as many little boys in their shirts began a screaming Murder, I think, for every roar was like thunder; my feet then carried me without persuading in a furious gallop over people and every thing that was in my way, till I got into a great field a mile round, they call it St Stephens Green, I think, after a man on a great grey horse that was standing upon a little house in the midst of it; he had his sword drawn, but he durst not get off for want of room; I think they said he had been frightened, as I was; but I was so frightened that I hardly knew what I did or said: but I saw another man upon a little house in the midst of a great street-lane, I think they were brothers, for their coats were like a slated house-side, and they were as pale as death in the face like myself. Round about the before-mentioned field there is the finest gravel road thou ever stept on, and there was hundreds and thousands of folks sauntering about upon it; I began to be as angry as I was at Coaley when he broke the neck of the bell-wether, that they would not help the man and his horse down when it was almost dark; I was angry and sweat for fear, and durst not say one word, because there was so many three-nooked-hat men, and ladies as they call them, (I had better have been in Borrowdale;) I have often thought since, that if we had one of them ladies among our barley she would serve to keep the crows from it bravely. I asked a man that I knew what was the matter with some of the women they were so broad one way? he told me, it was the fashion to wear hoops; not a bad one neither, if it keeps their legs together, for some of them were very pretty; but I would not have one of them for a wife if she had all Borrowdale, unless they would put off their hoops when they go to bed, for they are as broad as any bed in Borrowdale; and then thou knowest there would not be room, except upon them, and what sleep could one get upon a quick bed: hang them, they are all white-headed, like our wheat-miller's lasses, and they talk and chirp like mice. I wonder what they see that take a fancy to any such, but they have pretty little feet, which makes me think they would prove nimble shepherds upon our steep fells, and we would teach them to salve and clip, and their hoop-pocket would be very
serviceable
(14) Bakeboard, a large board the country people roll out their oaten bread upon before committed to the fire, and is about two feet six inches diameter. (15) Gold chest is in ; a pool of water in Cumberland, of about ten acres, concerning which there is a popular tradition of having a golden ark or chest in it. (16) Salve and clip, to salve sheep, is to anoint them with a salve made of tar, butter, oil, and tallow, to prevent the scab, and make the wool grow; and clip, is sheering them.
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