Gents Mag 1851 part 1 p.583
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Gentleman's Magazine 1851 part 1 p.583
appear that they overcame him in the struggle. Where he was left to himself, they led him into no evil that we can hear of. Where, as in the duties of school, he had work to do or constraint to endure, it seems that he did the work and submitted to the constraint. Where his sensibility was most cruelly tried by the thoughtless persecutions of bigger boys - persecutions the remembrance of which became the ever-recurring torments of his dreams in later life - he must have borne them with great patience and sweetness; for we are told that he retained the admiration and love of his school-fellows, though he did not share their amusements. In what respect then was it that "a certain infirmity of the will, the specific evil of his life, had already manifested itself?" It is possible that a school or college companion of his own age, or a little older, could have explained this to us. His brother was too much the younger to "look into him with inquiring eyes;" and we have no report from any other observer who was intimate with him during those years. Nevertheless it is undoubtedly true that "a certain infirmity of the will" did constitute the specific evil of his later life, and it was in all probability connected in some mysterious way with that specific peculiarity of his boyhood, to which we have already alluded. "He never played. He was indeed incapable of the adroitness and presence of mind required in the most ordinary sports. His uncle used to tell him that he had two left hands." Could science anatomize the material organisation through which the mind acts upon the body - through which --- the brain Says to the foot, now move, now rest again. it would perhaps be found that in such cases the will also has two left hands. That such a constitutional infirmity should prevail more against the grown man than the growing boy, is not surprising. The full flow of hope and youth counteracted but did not extinguish it. Youth and hope ebbing. left the man without energy enough to continue the struggle. However this may be, Hartley Coleridge - whose spirits were subject to those vicissitudes which so often affect the genus irritabile vatum, especially where the nature is exquisitely tender and affectionate, and a strong thirst for sympathy is irritated by a depressing consciousness of personal disadvantages - had occasionally found a temporary relief from painful sensations in wine. His popularity as a guest exposed him to the temptation; and his constitution was such that a small quantity excited him. Hence a fair prretext, if not a just ground, for taking away his fellowship; and he left Oxford (with 300l. given him by the college by way of mitigation) for London, meaning to support himself by his pen. This he could easily have done; for there were few departments of popular literature in which he was not eminently qualified to shine. But infirmities which are not eradicated in youth commonly increase with age. The very habit of introspection, though it be with the purpose of understanding and ejecting them, makes a man familiar with their company, and agravates the evil. The direction which Hartley's infirmity took was not one of the worst either for body or mind, - certainy not so bad as opium-eating, - but it had a worse name. And though his health was little if at all injured, and his mind not at all corrupted by it, his self-respect (with which self-command is closely allied) was shaken. Then came (to use his own significant words) "that helpless consciousness of faults which conduces to anything rather than amendment." A habit of procrastination followed - part of the same disease. After two year's trial, during which he resided chiefly with Mr. and Mrs. Montagu, it appeared plainly that London was not the best place for him. He returned to Westmerland; and (yielding against his own judgment at the urgency of friends) endeavoured to establish himself as a schoolmaster at Ambleside. But, after four or five years' trial, he was obliged to abandon the scheme as a failure. This was his last attempt to achieve a position in the world. After this he submitted to his destiny, as "a waif of nature:" and, though perhaps no man ever felt a stronger yearning for the blessings from which his "fault or fate" excluded him, it was probably the best condition which his very peculiar case admitted. Here he lived |
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